breath from escaping me. But what was I running from? Fear, anger, or
love? Or maybe all three. I didn't know where I was or where I was
going or why I was going there; I just knew that I wanted so
insatiably, desperately to be free. Free from what? Him, me, them?
Thoughts like this appeared in my head and left slowly as I turned my
head to look over my right shoulder.
I saw nobody behind me. Was I free to go? Could I be happy now? No, I
was definitely not free. No, I could never be happy so long as He
still held the almost literal key to my locked heart.
I came to the edge of a cliff, seventy or so feet from the ocean.
Before I even noticed the cliff underneath my feet, my legs fell and I
plummeted, diving in an almost graceful manner to my doom.
I woke with a start, swimming in a cold sweat. I turned my head on my
pillow and saw his peaceful, undisturbed, sleeping face. Such relief
coursed through my veins as I snuggled into his warm, comforting
chest, slowly drifting back to sleep.
He had been a hallucination. I really woke about two hours later to my
alarm clock. My dream blurred as I got ready for another long day at
school, no boyfriend, no fear, no pain would follow, but what wouldn't
I give to be free?
Okay, so I was only a third correct. I was probably one of the most
popular girls at Central High and my boyfriend was a cheerleader with
me but I had every reason on the face of this planet to be afraid.
Here in Little Rock, I was one of roughly forty whites in a school of
mostly Tongan and black people.
Back in the sixties, Highland High was an all-white school, but now I
am the minority since so many people moved here from Alabama and
Georgia because of the Silver Plague, a disease which affected only
the immune system of people of African descent and nearly destroyed
the black population there. It was beautiful here, but there wasn't
really much where my mother lives. I live with my aunt in Little Rock,
where the high school is, and I wanted desperately to be home with my
dad, my big brother, and my little sister, taking care of the land and
the ranch, but I'm stuck here learning and schooling because according
to my mother I am so smart that she wants me to become some kind of
doctor or someone who is smart and gets rich off of what they do.
That is not me. I'm a dancer, I love the art of language, I cheer, and
I am at the top of my game. I do not want to be my mother or her
dream. I'm Bethany Ann Grace but I am called Beth by most people. My
mother never seemed all put together, except when she was working, so
I don't really know her very well. Her absence has made it difficult
for me to understand why working like she did is so important. I was
afraid that I would become just like her, cold and never home. She is
strict and disciplined and although I sometimes resemble those
hardworking qualities, I want for myself to never be like her.
Arkansas was breathtaking, especially out in the open plains near
home. I loved the long, outstretched, green plains on the east, the
enormous mountains on the west, the backwoods to the south, and the
rolling hills to the north. It was perfect for a girl like me. I loved
feeling free and open, but I won't always have the privilege of
freedom.
The blue skies ascended for millions of miles, the sun that shown even
when no one notices it dutifully rising and setting each day, the
orange-red sun surrounded by pink and purple clouds at dusk, it was
the perfect place for anything, including romance.
It was an easy high school to get into, but once you were in, they
kicked your butt into gear until your fingers and toes hurt you've
worked your brain and muscles to the max.
I knew I was beautiful. I knew I was sweet and amazing. I knew who I
was and who I was going to be, but I had absolutely no idea how I was
going to get there. Dancing, I made the school's drill team. Swimming,
I was team captain. I had already won first place at regions on the
school's gymnastics and cheer teams. I was pure muscle with gorgeous
curves and now I had responsibilities to claim nationals with these
teams. My best friends were part of my teams, Alexavier (Alex) was a
fellow swimmer and Bailey was a leader on the drill team.
I've known Alex since I was two- we have been neighbors my entire
life, and I've known Bailey since I was five; we met the first day in
kindergarten. They were my best friends and nothing could get between
us- that is, until I met Burke one morning at cheer practice.
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